Attic Room
by Saddletank
Summary: A single day in Cremona, Italy, a year after Whisper of the Heart ends. This short is embedded into my own fanfic The End of Summer. Chronologically this is my second story. Please read after End of Summer.
1. Introduction

This story takes place within my own _The End of Summer_ (EoS) fanfiction which is a sequel - one year on - to _Whisper of the Heart_. This is a single day in the period of the two weeks in my story when I don't describe any detail of the days in Cremona - it's a day when time is just passing between significant nodes of the main story. I knew long before I finished EoS that this day happened just the way it's described here, (although I've expanded the story, it would never have been this long if it had been a part of EoS) and I think there are also similar events like it on other evenings in the remaining week of the couple's stay in Italy. However for the sake of keeping EoS focussed on what was important I left out all mention of this. That may sound a bit arcane but as you read on you'll understand why. I think this subject is very delicate and best kept separate from the main 'pure' story of Shizuku and Seiji's deepening love.

You can read this story alone on its own merit, but there are many references and links in it to EoS and in order to get the most from this short I recommend you read EoS first.

UPDATE 16th DECEMBER: All done. Enjoy!  
UPDATE 6th DECEMBER: Couple more chapters up. Chapters 9 to 13 kind of run at a faster pace so I'll probably upload a bit more frequently - one every couple of days probably. If all goes to plan it should be all online by about 16th December.  
UPDATE 27th NOVEMBER: A couple more chapters up over the weekend.  
UPDATE 21st NOVEMBER: Chapter 3 uploaded. I have also now written a Postscript, a Chapter 13 if you like, so with intro and outro notes the full story will be 15 chapters.  
UPDATE 18th NOVEMBER: The story is now complete; it took me the week between 13th and 18th November to get it done. There are 12 chapters plus this intro and an 'outro' or a collection of mad author ramblings, self justification and other nonsense. I'll upload two to three chapters a week, so please stay tuned.

Be warned now. There is adult content in this story. If you are below the age of consent in your country YOU MAY NOT READ THIS STORY AND MUST LEAVE THIS PAGE NOW.

I wish to advise that I do NOT hold any copyright to the _Whisper of the Heart_ anime by Studio Ghibli, nor the _Mimi wo Sumaseba_ manga by Aoi Hiiragi, the characters, their names and some of their motivations do not belong to me. I do hold copyright on the parts of _The End of Summer_ that are not based on Studio Ghibli or Aoi Hiiragi work. This includes, but is not limited to, new characters, places and themes.

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This story is one of gentleness, love, innocence and discovery. You will enjoy it more if you are in the right frame of mind when you read it. Once all 13 chapters are up may I suggest you leave about 90 minutes to read the whole thing (including the end notes), if you read at a slow pace and stop to think about certain bits 90 minutes should do it. I also ask that you be in a relaxed and unhurried, a gentle frame of mind, get comfortable where you won't be disturbed. Get yourself a drink: coffee, a glass of wine, a nice long cool milkshake - whatever, I don't mind. 

I wrote this mostly on my laptop while commuting to and from work by train. Whilst writing I played some gentle and cheerful music that inspired the right mood. It was all stuff from Studio Ghibli movies - if you have some CDs or a collection of mp3 files may I recommend any of the following for playing in the background as you read:

Nausicaa main theme.  
Laputa main theme.  
The Great Tree in the Tsukamori Forest from Totoro.  
End song from Porco Rosso.  
End song (The Rose) from Only Yesterday.  
Anything from Whisper of the Heart - the Japanese version of Country Road is nice as is much of the incidental music, especially Canon, 'Erufu', 'Engel's Zimmer' and the Earth Shop themes.  
Pom Poko - all the nice quiet tunes from the end of the movie (there are three of them).  
The opening and closing tunes from Spirited Away.  
The closing song from The Cat Returns - a nice happy melody to put some zing in your heart.  
The wonderfully evocative 'The Boy Who Accepted The Star' from Howl.

OK, thats enough of that.

Oh, and one last thing before I go. I have set up a forum. You can discuss _The End of Summer, The Attic Room _and_ The Other Side of the World_ if you wish. If you feel a burning need to tell me my work is complete pants then please do it there. I'd like to use the forum for C&C, feedback etc so that any discussion is public rather than in the form of replies to reviews which I hate because I lose them. I'll probably use the forum as a species of blog where I'll discuss what is happening / may happen in _The Other Side of the World_; thouights about stuff I plan to write; why I wrote things the way I did; and the price of fish. In case you are having trouble finding it, it's in the Anime/Whisper section.

Are you ready? In the mood? Sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin... 


	2. Chapter 1 A Curious Feeling

**The Attic Room**

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**for Carole, wherever you are now**

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--oOo--

--

**Chapter One – A Curious Feeling**

She turned the pages of the biology text book, the words were going in, then straight out again, they wouldn't let her hold onto them. There was something different about today. No, not different, good. She couldn't put her finger on it, like a dream that goes out of your head when you wake. Being unable to grasp what it was. It wasn't frustrating, just curious. No, that wasn't it. It wasn't like a dream she'd had and was forgetting, it was more like one she was about to have and was anticipating. She couldn't put it down to any one thing or feeling, the day had been quite ordinary, and yet. And yet. There was something going on, something happening, or something about to happen, she wasn't sure which, that she could taste, could feel. Her whole body seemed alert to it, as if it knew but wasn't telling. There had been a certain lightness in her step all day, whenever she moved, walked, sat, laughed, ate, her body did it differently, with a peculiar energy, a peculiar life in it. The places she went, the people she spoke to, they couldn't know this was her special day yet they seemed to help it along, to lift it up, to join the feast without her knowing what the celebration was.

It had started in a perfectly ordinary way; a shower, putting on whatever came to hand first (she'd chosen the short orange dress, the one with the strappy top - perhaps she'd decided to sit outside and get some sun on her shoulders, on her legs, she couldn't remember now). A quick bite of breakfast, the waiter Marco being his usual exuberant self; that is if you considered silent, agonizingly shy teenagers with terminal acne to be exuberant. She'd said a quick hello and goodbye to Seiji, and he had said…

"Hey, this evening, don't come back here at five. I'll come to you tonight. Meet me at the Volpi, we'll go out and eat."  
"OK, but I won't have showered, I'll be all dirty. I hate that."  
"Don't worry, I won't mind. You can shower after."  
"After what?"  
"Afterwards," he gave her one of his crooked quizzical smiles. She knew there was no use trying to get it out of him. They had been in Cremona over two weeks now, the summer course Seiji was attending at the violin making school seemed to be going well although it _was_ hard work – some evenings he was shattered. During the day she usually studied her schoolwork or her Italian, sometimes both, sometimes neither. She went to cafés, parks, churches, museums, galleries. She drifted about and waited. Waited. But for what? Today maybe?

She'd been to the park and practiced her Italian. She'd sent the cat doll to Mr. Nishi a week ago and he'd written back, he was so pleased to receive it. She'd got his letter this morning – but there was also something between the lines that was hidden from view, she should have understood but couldn't. Not everything felt right with him. That was bothering her too, adding to the day's strangeness. At one o'clock she'd visited Anna-Marie at the art shop and they'd gone out for a quick bite of lunch. Her mother was better today, thank you for asking. In the afternoon she had come, as she often did, here to the _Piazza San Giorgio_ just behind the _Academia Grafica_ and whiled away the time at the Café Volpi making her milkshake last as long as she could, studying her biology and fending off Adamo who seemed to take her "No" to mean "Try harder". He was quite sweet in a way, a bit pathetic too as he sniffed around all the girl students from the _academia,_ but she realised he was a slave to his own genetics, it wasn't his fault, he was just a boy, doing what boys do, helpless to the driving forces that controlled him. How old would he be? Seventeen? Eighteen? He knew she was visiting the city with her boyfriend, he'd spoken with Seiji often enough, but he still seemed to try, maybe he knew the battle was lost and was just using her to practice his technique.


	3. Chapter 2 Cafe Volpi

**Chapter Two – Café Volpi**

It was half past five. She put down the book. She was reading about the fascinating world of lymph glands when she felt someone close by. She looked up. The _piazza_ was at the top of a low hill, the street with Anna-Marie's shop in it sloped down toward the Po. Someone was coming up this hill. His head, then his shoulders came gradually into view as he breasted the slope. Her mouth fell open, she stared at him. His hair was brushed, _and washed_, he was wearing – no – surely not? A suit! No, not just a suit but evening dress, a white shirt, a wine coloured bow tie, the most beautiful black suit with satin lapels. Wine red enamelled cufflinks. Black shoes that shone like glass. He stopped at her table. Her lower jaw hung open.

"Hi."  
She made no reply, she couldn't. He looked _gorgeous_. She couldn't ever remember seeing him look like this, look this good.  
"Well, will I do?" his crooked smile again.  
"What?"  
"You've not eaten have you?"  
"No, no of course not. Seiji?"  
"Mmm?" the crooked smile continued.  
"What's all this?"  
"Oh, this? Suit. Thought we'd go out, you know. _Properly._ Somewhere nice."  
"But – where did _that_ come from?"  
"Later, lets not talk about it now."  
"But… Seiji… you look _wonderful!_"  
"Thanks," he put a hand to the back of his head and ran his fingers into his hair, the way he did when he was nervous, "ah, you're making me blush."  
"I can't go out with you. Look at me," she stood up and held her arms out to her sides in a 'look I'm not fit to be seen' gesture. Seiji glanced up and down at her.  
"You look perfect to me." The smile became crookeder.  
"That's not what I meant, I've been walking all day I'm dirty, I feel just – _yuck!_"  
"I know what you meant the first time. You're still perfect, don't worry about it. Here," he held out something. She took it. It was a wrap for her shoulders, a russet square of gossamer. She looked from it to him. He took it back from her disbelieving hands.  
"Turn around." She obeyed, how could she not? He placed the wrap about her bare shoulders and pressed a small leather purse of the same colour into her hand.  
"Where did you get these?"  
"Brought them with me. For tonight. They're yours, a little gift."  
"You planned this?"  
"Sure. Now then, stand back, let me look at you." She stepped one pace back, they held hands, his right in her left, her right in his left. "Shizuku, you're beautiful."  
"Oh, Seiji, I don't deserve this!"  
"Yes you do. Really, you know, you deserve this every day. But if we did that then the special days wouldn't be special. They'd all be the same."  
"Where is all this coming from? You're going to make me cry."  
"What?"  
"You're talking so strangely. Where are we going? Oh, this must have cost so much money."  
"Really, don't worry about it, I'll tell you as we go."  
"But my bag – my books."  
"Leave them here, Adamo will look after them, collect them tomorrow."  
"Wait, I just need to go smarten up a little."

She went into the café, to the ladies toilet. She stood facing the sink, hands on the porcelain. She looked in the mirror. She wondered how Seiji had planned this – the wrap and the purse matched her orange dress. Was he just lucky? She had no answer. She considered her feeling, the one that had persisted all day. She examined it; like you would a boiled sweet you'd half sucked then took out of your mouth to see how small it had become. The feeling was stronger now, her tummy had butterflies, something warm and eager was uncoiling inside her, she felt her face turning pink and there was a sweet anticipation in her centre. She splashed water on her face, neck, wrists, dried herself, brushed her hair, applied perfume (under her arms, her neck, behind her ears and a dab on her breastbone) and although she usually didn't bother with make up, she used a small amount of lip gloss, blusher and eye liner. She looked down at her shoes. She'd slipped on a pair of cream sandals this morning, they had low heels and didn't feel right. But hey, never mind, they'd have to do. She ran her fingers through her hair again, and checked her reflection one more time. Not too bad, but it was all she had time for. She transferred her essential bits from her pink shoulder bag to the russet purse. She went back outside. Some Italian girls, students, had arrived at a nearby table. They were sneaking looks at Seiji over their shoulders and talking in low tones, and giggling. Shizuku could see why. He stood beside the cherub and unicorn fountain, his hands in his pockets, his tall thin frame relaxed. He was the sort of guy who looked marvellous and just didn't realise it. There was nothing at all self conscious in him, no pretensions, he would never swagger or show off. He was just himself, but just being himself he looked so much cuter than most other boys his age. Shizuku felt the coiling animal inside her move. It seemed to reach down into her centre, at the top of her legs and at the same time be up in her chest. She knew this feeling, she wasn't a child, she had touched herself before, experimenting, discovering, she knew that this feeling was arousal but still, even _this_ wasn't the feeling she'd had with her all day. There was something else. Feeling the students eyes on her and (let's be honest here) her chest blossoming with pride, she walked over to him.

"All set?" he looked at her in a quizzical way, she felt as though he was asking her a different question, and at the same time the question wasn't a question at all, but a compliment. It made her feel nice. Now it was her turn to smile.  
"Sure. Let's go." He lifted his right arm, the elbow held out in a formal manner. She slipped her left forearm inside his and placed her hand on his upper arm. He walked, she just went with him.


	4. Chapter 3 Wild Sessions

**Chapter Three – Wild Sessions**

They had come to Cremona short of money, Shizuku brought what little she had and her mom and dad had been generous and given her a little more but really they both had to be careful with spending. No gifts, very few treats, evenings entertaining themselves, cheap meals. Seiji seemed to have some extra and she thought his grandpa had probably given him some as a gift and maybe his dad too. But every few days they'd sit at the table in the Café Volpi and sort through their dwindling pile of money. They'd budget for each day. One day they had agreed that they deserved a little fun. That had been about a week ago, there had been a music recital at the _Duomo_, a string quartet. She had sat, eyes closed, and let the sound of the violins flow over her. She had been reminded of another violin playing, at another time, in another place. She'd had to keep her eyes closed, the sound was so beautiful. Had she opened them he would have seen her crying. The violin playing that washed her clean seemed to have gone on for hours but had probably only been ten minutes. Afterwards, the long walk together in search of something to eat; the maze of narrow streets, of _piazzas_. It seemed there was no Japanese restaurant in the city, not even a _sushi_ bar. They eventually found a Thai place and that was where most of their days precious budget went. It had been what Seiji called a bit of a wild decision and so these became their Wild Sessions. He'd wanted to eat out somewhere exotic more often or find another music recital but she knew this was beyond their pockets.

But tonight would probably be their last chance. The end of his course was in sight now. There was that mellow, even melancholy feeling in the air, the kind of feeling you get when you visit a place for a short time and you know that tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, or soon, you must leave. That feeling of the certain end of things that shadows everything you do. Maybe there was something of that in how she'd been feeling today?

That magical walk where he seemed to be a different person had ended at the _Museo Stradivariano_. She knew it well now, she'd visited it in the first few days. Some of the finest violins in the world were in its collection. But tonight it was transformed by lighting, by barriers of red ropes and by the presence of crowds of beautifully dressed people. It was another musical recital, this one given by the students of the _Academia Musica_. Student music recitals back home usually meant sitting, cringing in embarrassment through badly played tunes, instantly forgettable. But this was Cremona where the students were of a wholly different calibre. The evening was glorious. She sat, sometimes calm, sometimes uplifted and joyous, sometimes moved to tears by the music. And this time, afterwards, there was no rushing round the city to find a place to eat. A buffet had been arranged in the _Galleria Milanollo_, some of the students mingled with the audience, a few of them rather too Bohemian perhaps, contrasting with the magnificent gentlemen and the gorgeous ladies in their gowns. She ended up eating too little and drinking rather too much, most of it orange juice.

She was deep in conversation with a charming Italian girl, a cellist, who seemed to favour a gypsy style of dress, all earthy colours and beads, quite the hippy, when Seiji returned from talking with one of the museum staff, a buyer.

"It's getting late, we should go."

So they did. There was something in the way he was acting tonight as well, as though they had agreed unspoken that he would make the decisions.


	5. Chapter 4 New Territory

**Chapter Four – New Territory **

She didn't know this part of the city, he was taking her down unfamiliar streets, strange crooked alleys. It was all new to her. Their path led them gradually toward the Po but around the east side of the old town. She was lost, both among unfamiliar buildings and within herself. Walking down the sloping alleyways she turned the day over again in her mind. She puzzled over the strange feeling that still persisted. After they'd arrived at the _Museo Stradivariano _she had been so happy, so excited. She'd thought this was why she'd been feeling special but no, that wasn't it. Couldn't be it. The evening had been a complete surprise, Seiji's gift to them. How could she have anticipated that? One thing lingered though: the rush of physical excitement she'd felt when she saw him standing by the fountain. She felt sure now that the day seemed to revolve around that. Before that moment she'd struggled to identify what seemed to be approaching. After that she'd glowed in the presence of feelings that had arrived and wouldn't go.

They were walking slowly in the dark, holding hands.

"You were going to let me in on your secret."  
"What secret?"  
"Where the suit came from."  
"Oh, that. Uh, actually it's quite boring. I hired it. Signore Guarnieri knows some people at a couple of dress hire companies. His students sometimes need to smarten themselves up to attend events. It was a great deal, so don't panic on the money side of things."  
"I wasn't panicking. I thought you'd brought it with you."  
"If I had, do you think it would look like this, after travelling in my rucksack for a day?"  
"Hm, suppose not." A few moments silence, "Seiji, you do look wonderful like that. You should dress smartly more often. I think you've found my weak spot."  
"Ah. Really? Thanks. You're making me blush. So you're a sucker for a guy in a suit, hm?"  
"Seems like it, I never thought about it before."  
"OK, that's one for me to store away and take advantage of another time."  
"Mmm, please do." She squeezed his hand, he squeezed back. "Thank you very much for my presents, they're lovely."  
"Um, Shizuku? Were you wondering...?"  
"About?"  
"How they match your dress."  
"Well, you know, I had thought it was too good to be a co-incidence."  
"Well, in a way it was something of a co-incidence."  
"How come?"  
"That you chose to wear that dress today."  
"Well, not really. I don't know why I put it on. I think it was the first one I found in the wardrobe that was still reasonably clean."  
"But of course I saw you in it this morning."  
"Well… yes. And?"  
"So I told you to stay in town and I'd come to meet you."  
"Ah, of course." The penny finally dropped for her. Had she worn something else he'd have asked her to come back to the hotel and change.  
"Do you see now?" he was grinning.  
"Yes. It's obvious. But why this one?"  
"Because. Well, mmm, because it's my favourite."  
"It is?"  
"Hm," he nodded, "Ah, you look good in it." She glanced at him again. He'd gone pink.  
"I do?"  
"Don't you believe me?"  
"But it's just a dress, I've others like it."  
"Well, not really. I love the colour of that one; it goes so well with your skin and your hair. And…um…"  
"What?"  
"Well, it's very short isn't it?"

She stopped and turned to face him. "Seiji!"

"You've got…um… you know. Nice legs. You look good in it."  
"What! I don't believe this! You've been looking at me, like… in that way!"  
"Oh, right. And you never look at boys like that then?"  
"No I do not!"  
"You must!"  
"Well, OK, perhaps one boy then."  
"Now come on."  
"No really, I don't go looking at other boys."  
"Really?"  
"Yes, really."  
"I'm sorry."  
"Don't be, it's fine," she smiled to herself, she thought he was cute how he became embarrassed over the smallest things.

They walked on in silence for a while.

"But thank you," she glanced at him shyly, "for what you said about the dress. About me. It's very sweet of you."  
"My pleasure."  
"Oh, you're always the gentleman, how can you be so nice?"  
"I feel great when I give you things. You know that by now."  
"I bet you don't feel as good as I do receiving them."  
"Bet I do."  
"Bet you don't."  
"Do."  
"Don't."  
"This is silly."  
"No, it's not."  
"One of us must feel better than the other."  
"It's silly to discuss really, how can we know?"  
"Well, for a start, giving you gifts makes me feel so good that I want to do this."  
"What?" He stopped suddenly, turned toward her, bent his head down, put his hands on either side of her small waist and pulled her to him. There was just time for a short "Oh" of surprise to escape her lips before his mouth touched hers and cut off the sound. In surprise she flapped her arms helplessly a moment, then submitted and lifted her hands slowly to his shoulders, slid one around the back of his neck. She pressed her fingers into his hair and without realising it, found that she was holding his head so he couldn't break the kiss.

"Mmmm…" the coiling animal was back, writhing inside her. It moved down to her groin and suddenly the most amazing pleasure and warmth filled her. It grew and grew. She didn't know if it was her that opened her mouth or Seiji that opened his, but suddenly there was contact between them she'd never experienced in a kiss before. Their mouths were open and at once the feeling was both very rude and very good. In fact it was so good it shocked her. This was naughty, she felt she shouldn't be doing it, but she couldn't stop, it was so good. She'd talked in a joking way with her girlfriends about kissing like this, about how messy it must be but, in a way… it wasn't at all messy... it was… well, it was _fantastic_. The wetness which Yuko and Kinu had laughed about and said would be disgusting was the most exciting part. The moist muscle of his tongue touched hers. Their tongues coiled together and suddenly she knew she had to stop _right now_ otherwise she wouldn't be able to. She pulled away, scared by the heat roaring in her belly. She actually gasped and drew in breath.  
"Oh!" Her breathing came fast  
"Are you alright? I'm sorry, was that…um…?"  
"No, no, I'm fine. It's just…I."  
"What? Did I do wrong?"  
"Oh, Seiji, no. Not at all. I'm just… whew!" She waved a hand in front of her face in a fanning action, looked up at him. His eyes were bright, his face flushed, his hands on her waist held her lightly but she wanted them to grip tighter, to hold her hard, to pull her to him again, to take control so that she didn't have to make decisions. Instead she pressed forward and put her face to his chest. Her arms went round him. She felt his arms on her back, gently stroking.  
"Shizuku…Shizuku… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have." She pulled her head back and looked up at him again.  
"Stop saying that! Don't be sorry. Oh. It's fine, really. It's that… well, that was good. Very good. Thank you."  
"You're not acting like it was good."  
"It was, really it was. But it was maybe a little too good. I started to feel. I don't know, but I had to stop."  
"Sorry."  
"Oooh, stop saying sorry! It was fine. I'm fine. It was me who had to stop. Really, not your fault at all."  
"I feel an idiot. Have I ruined the evening?" She pressed against him again. She held tight this time and now the heat in her was at the points of her breasts as well, she could feel them pressing against his ribs. They were hard, surely he'd feel them too? She'd thought she would feel embarrassment if he'd feel her body like this but instead she was filled with a strange power, no embarrassment at all. At the same time she wanted him to know what she was feeling. She had this sudden powerful sensation of being on a cliff edge, and looking over. The top of the hill was her self control, the drop was being _unable_ to control herself, to stop fighting the coiling animal and let it consume her, to give in to the feeling and kiss him again, harder, for longer. That cliff edge was frightening, the urge to leap off so strong. She let go of him and stepped back.

"No, no, no, you haven't ruined anything. That was a great kiss," she touched two fingers to her lips, she could still feel where his mouth had been. "But, you know, not here. Not now. Later. Let's get back."

He still looked unhappy, as though he'd made a mistake.


	6. Chapter 5 Seiji's Confession

**Chapter Five – Seiji's Confession **

They continued walking. She studied the cobbled road at her feet. Now was the time, she thought.

"Seiji?"  
"Mm?"  
"I've had this odd feeling all day. As though something really good was going to happen."  
"Hm. What sort of thing?"  
"I can't say. No, sorry, that sounded wrong. I didn't mean that I _won't_ tell you, more that I just don't understand the feeling. It's been a day of anticipation, something special is coming, I'm sure of it."  
"You've no idea what sort of something?"  
"No. But…"  
"Maybe it's happening now?"  
"Maybe… then again. No, I don't think so. Not yet."  
"Day's nearly over."  
"But not yet."  
"Yes." Another silence, they were hedging around something. Something between them. It was important but being avoided. But now she'd mentioned it she could really feel it, could feel that he was aware of it as well. It was huge, and beautiful, something fantastically special, something special only to them. She knew he could feel it now and that could mean only one thing: the kiss was part of it.

This street seemed familiar, it wasn't far now. They held hands for a while then Shizuku put her arm around his waist, he slipped his across her shoulder, she pressed against him so their bodies touched down her side. Just the sensation of his body against hers was exciting, feeling him move, the warmth, his smell.

"Shizuku?"  
"Yes?"  
"There's something I've been thinking about recently."  
"What?"  
"I've been thinking a lot. About you. About…" She looked up at him, his kind dark eyes searched hers, she could see his awkwardness, his embarrassment.  
"Go on."  
"Well, we've known each other about nine months now…" he trailed off again.  
"Seiji, please don't be embarrassed, nothing you can say will upset me, just say it." They had reached the courtyard now, her hotel on the left, the violin school on the right. Above the violin school was the residential dormitory wing with his tiny room. They walked to the doorway of the school and stopped under the colonnade.  
"OK, well. I've thought about… oh, Shizuku, this is so hard. Touching you. I've thought about touching you. Undressing you. Laying down with you. That's it. There, I've said it now. Sorry." He turned his face away. The coiling animal in her belly was back, her excitement increased. She lifted one hand and placed the palm on his cheek, with her hand she turned his face back toward hers. His eyes pierced her, pierced her heart.  
"Seiji, don't apologise, I'm not offended. You're very brave saying that. That was a really strong thing to say. Thank you. I'm pleased we can talk like this, lots of couples must struggle with this."  
"You're not angry?"  
"No. Of course not!"  
"Oh. Thank you. I was so scared. I couldn't bear to hear your answer."  
"What time is it?"

He checked his watch,

"About ten."  
"Seiji, let's not say goodnight yet, let's talk more. In my room."  
"Ah, OK, sure. But wait, wait. Can I just go to my room and change out of the suit? I'd hate to crumple it. Give me two minutes, OK?"  
"That's all right. I'll wait here."

In a few minutes he was back. He'd put on a pair of linen trousers and a tee shirt. She smelled a faint aroma of fresh cologne, and he'd washed his face, his hands. She smiled to herself. He'd washed, got himself ready. Inside herself she glowed. How cute was he to be thoughtful like that?

"Oh, what a shame. No more lovely smart suit."  
"Well make up your mind. Is it the suit you want? Or me?" He made a mock annoyed face.  
"You. I want you," she didn't smile, she looked into his face with calm wide eyes, "come on."

She led him by the hand to the Hotel Alfonso's steps. The reception area was empty, for which she was grateful. Seiji had been up to her room several times before and the hotel owner, the huge but happy Tony Piscotti was fine about that. Really tonight was no different as far as he'd be concerned, but to her it felt very different. She felt she was being naughty taking Seiji upstairs in this mood, as though it was obvious to anyone who looked at them what they were doing. She went up the stairs first, climbing quickly, eagerly, still leading him, like two school kids playing. Part way up her nerves played a trick on her and she couldn't help but start laughing. She giggled all the way up like some silly little girl. At the top she unlocked the door to the attic stair that, like a ships stair, led up steeply through the floor in one corner of her attic room. She glanced behind her, she didn't know why. To make sure he was still there seemed silly. He caught her eye, it was full of a mischievous zeal he'd never seen before. She went up. He followed. He glanced up at her climbing in front of him and found out just how short the skirt of the orange dress was. His face went even pinker. She went into the room, kicked off her sandals and walked across to the shutters and swung them wide. She stepped out onto the tiny narrow balcony, just a few inches deep. She leaned on the rail. He removed his shoes and barefoot came and stood next to her. She was still giggling. He started laughing too. For a while they stood laughing like idiots, the stress releasing from their bodies. They'd begin to stop, or one of them would stop, then they'd look at each other and that would set one or the other of them off again.


	7. Chapter 6 Asako's Advice

**Chapter Six – Asako's Advice**

Shizuku had thought about this subject as well. A lot. Probably more than Seiji would have guessed. Three or four months into their relationship she had sat down with her mother, Asako, and talked about it. Shizuku was close to her mom, she felt able to discuss most things with her. Her mother trusted her to be intelligent and practical about all kinds of things. Sex was just another subject that had to have an intelligent and practical approach. She didn't tell her daughter she mustn't under any circumstances do it, but she explained carefully the rights and wrongs. She also admitted that as a girl she'd gone through the very same worries, all teenagers do. Shizuku was really not sure what she should do if Seiji brought up the subject. Asako suggested that when it happened her heart would know what the right response was. She also suggested that it was asking for trouble not to be prepared, too many girls of her age were becoming pregnant in modern society, it was a sign of society breaking down in her view, a sign of weakness, of young people being selfish. It was also the parents fault; committed parents should support their children and guide them, not let them walk in a minefield without protection. So shortly after that the two of them visited the family doctor and Shizuku came home from that visit with pills which she began taking. Asako had been quite adamant that it was foolish not to discuss this subject with Seiji if they could find the right time to do so. It was foolish also to get carried away without thinking of the consequences, but the most sensible defence was to make sure that when it happened, she would not conceive. Asako read in the paper every week about the tragedy of young lives blighted by unwanted pregnancies that the boys ran away from and the girls couldn't handle.

"Shizuku, take a pragmatic approach, you have to. Talk about it with him. But if it comes to it, don't feel guilty and fight your feelings for the sake of fighting. Don't get a complex from it; it's not something you should get stressed over. It isn't wrong or dirty, it's quite natural and lovely. You'll see. If one day you feel "this is the right time" then it will be the right time. If you keep taking the protection a great worry will be taken off your shoulders. Just be sensible, Shizuku."


	8. Chapter 7 Balcony

**Chapter Seven – Balcony**

Gradually the laughing fit passed. They looked at the night, the city, the river. The smell of the pine trees on the banks of the Po reached them. In a nearby café music was playing, a guitar. Somebody in a courtyard below laughed. A breeze ruffled their hair. Shizuku looked toward the river. A train rumbled over the long steel girder bridge a mile or two upstream. The sound of its ringing, grumbling progress was softened into melody by the distance. She glanced at Seiji. He was watching her. He spoke first.

"I think we should talk."  
"Yes."  
"No more giggles?"  
"No. No more." Her face was still split by a smile.  
"How do you feel?"  
The smile grew bigger, "Can't you tell? I feel fantastic. If you mean, "do I feel right about this?" then yes, I do. I think this is what I've been thinking about all day. I just didn't understand what the feeling was."  
"I've been feeling like this for weeks," he confessed, "I was so worried I would say or do something stupid. It never felt like it was the right time."  
"Now's the right time."  
"To talk?"  
"Yes."  
"Is this something you think we should do? Are we ready?"  
"Oh, Seiji, yes. I'm going to burst. I can hardly hold this feeling in. Just now… when you kissed me. I had to stop – it wasn't anything wrong or bad, but if I'd gone on I don't think I could've controlled myself. You did that when I was so vulnerable, just at the exact moment I could least resist."  
"Pure chance I promise you."  
"It was lovely, so lovely. It's the right time for me."  
"Yes."  
"And you?"  
"Uh huh," he nodded, "I've been thinking like this for ages, wanting this for ages, but I couldn't feel in you the right time to say anything. I didn't know if you'd been thinking the same things or whether the subject was miles away from you. Do you see? I was so afraid to say anything in case it ruined everything."

She stepped up to him and laid one palm flat on his chest, with her fingers she lightly stroked him through his tee shirt. With her other hand she lifted the forefinger and placed it over his mouth in a _sshhhh_ gesture.

"Stop being concerned. It's OK. I'm ready."  
"Shizuku, one thing is bothering me."  
"Just one thing?"  
"Well, one thing right now."  
"Go on."  
"What is going to happen tonight?"  
"How do you mean?"  
"Well, um, how far will we go?"  
"How far do you want to go?"  
"I want to do... everything. Is that what you want?"  
"Yes, it is. Let's do everything. Is there something wrong with that?"  
"Well, in that case. I'm sorry…uh I don't know why this is hard to talk about."  
"Because we are both a bit embarrassed and shy I expect, but try not to be."  
"OK, well, we should take precautions shouldn't we?"  
"Um... yes, definitely."  
"Well, I have _this,_" he brought a small square plastic packet out of his pocket, his face was pink with embarrassment, "I can put it on".

Shizuku looked at the soft square packet, she looked into his face,  
"Seiji you are _so_ thoughtful, you must care about my feelings so much."  
"Of course! I love you!"  
"You make me so happy, but, well, there is no need for that."  
"There isn't? Why?"  
"I have been taking precautions for months, I take the pill. I have been since about April."  
"You have?".  
She nodded, "That surprises you does it?"  
"Yes. It does. I never imagined!"  
"My mom suggested it."  
"Your mom! You talked to your mother about us...! About…me?"  
"Yes, where's the problem? Girls do, at least I know some of my friends have as well. Well, we have to don't we? We get pregnant, boys don't."  
"Well, yes, that makes sense."  
"Seiji look at this from my perspective, a girls' perspective, it's so different for us. Boys can, well, if they are that sort of boy, just do what they like and not think about the consequences. They can be very selfish in some ways. Girls can't do that, we have to be responsible, much more responsible than boys."  
"I don't think like that! I wouldn't act like that."  
"I know _you_ wouldn't, you are too sweet a person, too considerate, and that's one of the reasons I love you and why we're here now."  
"I think I understand."  
"Don't worry, Seiji, we won't need _that _and everything will be fine. Look, this is a big subject, please can we leave it for another time?"  
"Sure, OK. So I don't need this?"  
"No," she smiled, "you just need the thing you were going to put it on..."

Seiji went bright red. She stood up on her toes, tilted her head back and kissed him. Trying to ignore the rude thing she'd just said he lifted his arms and pressed the palms of his hands on the small of her back. This time her mouth was open, Seiji was surprised at her eagerness. He took a step back along the small balcony and felt the end railing at the base of his spine. He leaned back on it and still Shizuku pressed against him. She was warm, soft, she tasted wonderful. He moved his hands down to the curve of her bottom, moved his hands lower, holding her and pressed her hips to his. He began to lose control. This was it, he could feel himself getting hard, he could feel his face burning. She must feel it. If she reacted now he'd die of embarrassment. But the kiss went on, unlike the first one which was sudden and rushed, this one was slow, so slow, so beautiful. She moved her face slightly away and opened her eyes. They looked at each other, he could feel the soft brush of her breath on his chin. Her eyes shone and she smiled again.

"Seiji, I'm so happy. This is so perfect."  
"Yes," he was surprised at the hoarseness in his voice.  
"But… ooh…"  
"What?"  
"Ah, no. I need that shower. Oh, it's going to ruin the mood."  
"Don't worry, everything's fine. There is no rush. We've all night. I'll wait a while."  
"OK, back in a minute," she came forward once more and kissed him again.  
"Mmmmm… go on, now, or you'll never go."  
"Mm, don't want to go."  
He moved his hands up to her waist and peeled her off himself. "Go on."  
"Alright. I'm going."  
"Have you got anything to drink, I'm suddenly all dried up."  
"Yes, some orange juice and some mineral water by the bedside. It's warm though. Sorry." She stepped away and went into the room. He watched her go, watched her back. _Yes_, he thought, _she really does have lovely legs_. He went to the bedside cabinet and filled a glass with water, drank deeply. He was still hard. It wouldn't go away. He drew in a large slow breath and suddenly a feeling of total joy came over him. Inside his head he shouted _Yes. Yes! YES! _and the grin that split his face would have put Tony the hotel owner to shame. In a moment of complete happiness, Seiji punched the air. In this magical moment, on this magical evening, he was, after all, just an ordinary boy.


	9. Chapter 8 A Daimyo's Bride

**Chapter Eight – A Daimyo's Bride**

Shizuku closed the shower room door behind her. She tried not to think, not to pause, not to analyze her thoughts. She didn't want to run the risk of considering the situation and finding a reason to say no. She wanted to be back out there now, right away. She turned on the shower and adjusted the water until it was cool, as cool as she could stand. She hated being in a warm steamy shower room, she'd end up just sweating again straight away. She reached up behind her and unzipped the orange dress, let it fall and stepped out of it. She smiled. Well done orange dress, good job. She slipped off her underwear. She was surprised to find that she was already damp, she knew she'd felt amazing when they kissed in the alleyway, but she'd not noticed her body preparing itself.

Naked she sat on the toilet. For some reason her mind jumped to a school lesson of three years ago. She remembered the day well. It had been October and raining heavily. There was nothing to see outside the window, nothing to hold her interest so for once she'd paid attention in history. History was boring. Everyone knew that. Unless you were a boy and enjoyed reading about wars and everyone killing everyone else. But this lesson had been different, something had touched her heart that day. They'd been learning about medieval Japanese society, of Shoguns, of Daimyos, of Samurai, the aspiring merchants and of the poor peasants at the bottom of the pile. Sometimes, as protection payment to the corrupt Daimyo, the local lord or governor, villages would send young girls, virgins, to him for his pleasure. She imagined young children, younger than herself leaving home, afraid, crying for their mothers. The fathers resolved to the pain of separation, knowing they'd probably never see their daughters again. The mothers in their homes, crumpled on the floor, sobbing. Taken to the Daimyos' quarters they would be bathed and prepared by the other women. Then perfumed and dressed they'd be sent into the governor's bedchamber for his use. He possibly might have had a long council with his advisors or even a feast. He might be in a bad mood, he might be drunk, he'd probably stink. And these innocent girls would be deflowered, probably in agony, confusion and tears. They were objects, the pleasure was entirely his. Shizuku found herself crying, her tears pattered onto the tiles between her feet. Tears of sorrow and pity for unknown numbers of girls she'd never known. And here am I, she thought, a girl doing this of her own free will, in the arms of a boy I love, joyously happy, in the privacy of a special place. How lucky I am to be alive today.

The moment passed. She wiped herself and got quickly into the shower, letting out a growl as the cool water hit her skin. She washed her hair then soaped herself quickly. Touching her chest brought little sharp darts of pleasure. Although she wanted to, she had to consciously resist touching herself, she didn't want to delay. She knew she had to be quick. Washing between her legs was difficult, everything down there seemed alive, like bare electric wires, no matter what she touched, no matter how gently, it made her jump, made her draw breath sharply. She rinsed and stepped out, towelled her hair vigorously, dried herself.

She stood at the sink and looked in the mirror. She brushed her hair and applied a little perfume. Nothing else was needed. She looked at her chest; she was slim and wondered how much more she'd grow as she got older. But she knew she was pretty. Her breasts were neither small nor big, they were just _so_, perfect. She loved them. Big breasts didn't make you happy, the girls who had them made bigger with implants all deluded themselves. In a way she felt only sadness for them, she knew that happiness could only come in other ways. She loved her body, the colour of her skin, a rich honey tone, not pale like many Japanese. She touched her chest, felt the familiar shape, the familiar softness. There was no need for shame. Her mind drifted to thoughts of home. In Japan it would be about 7:00a.m. now, her mom and dad would be waking for a new day. She closed her eyes. She focussed her mind and her heart and sent her love to them, so many thousands of miles away. It didn't matter if they didn't feel her presence. For Shizuku; her mother, her father and she were together for a few precious moments. She knew that something wonderful would happen after she walked out that door and while she had this time she would use it to thank them and to tell them that she was alright, she was ready. She quietly spoke her mothers name.

"Asako. Mom. Thank you."

She drew a big breath and knew it was time. But what to wear? Her clothes were dirty. All she had in here was the towel. Then she remembered her pyjama jacket hanging on the back of the door, the mans jacket she'd started wearing to bed recently. She slipped it on. She left the collar standing, it added a little style she found appealing. She discovered she was nervous; her hands shook as she buttoned it up. It was really quite rude, it only just came down to her groin. She faced the door and took calming breaths again. This was it. She didn't know what would happen on the other side of that door. She reached for the door handle and found she was shaking. The metal was cool, condensation from the shower lay on it like a mist, she watched in fascination as her fingertips slid through the covering of condensation, breaking it, leaving trails like a ship on the sea. She spoke a short prayer of thanks that she wasn't a medieval peasant girl. She forced herself to turn the handle and pull the door open. One last breath. She stepped out.


	10. Chapter 9 Bloody Shirt!

**Chapter Nine – Bloody shirt!**

The room was darker, a warm gloom greeted her. The main light had been switched off. The only light was from the reading lamp on the little round table in the corner by the armchair. She saw that a book had been placed on top of the lampshade shutting off the upward light so that the lamp light spilled downwards and lit the table, the floor, the wall behind in a small welcoming pool of light. The rest of the room was half lit, it wasn't dark but the place had a mysterious cosy feel. Her heart went out to him _What a thoughtful person_. The balcony shutters were still open and night scents and sounds drifted in. She walked between the top of the stairs and the foot of the bed and stood in the centre of the room. The electric fan on the bedside cabinet whirred silently, its round face turning from side to side. First it looked toward the balcony, then it turned its face to her. She felt its cool breath brush the tops of her legs, her wrists. Satisfied she was there it looked back to the balcony, looking for the boy. Shizuku saw him there, he had his back to her, leaning on the rail watching the night. She put her hands together behind her back. When she spoke she could muster nothing more than a whisper.

"Seiji?" she was suddenly overcome with shyness, she almost didn't want anything to happen, the moment was so pure, so wonderful, she feared that anything that followed might not be as good as her hopes. He turned and stepped into the room. His face was calm, his eyes honest, caring. The two of them stood a little way apart. When he spoke it was in a whisper also;  
"Shizuku."  
"Seiji, I'm afraid."  
"Me too."  
"What happens now?"  
"What would you like?"  
"Please hold me." He stepped forward and placed his hands on her shoulders.  
"You look lovely."  
"Thank you."  
"What was it you said outside? _It's been a day of anticipation, something special is coming, I'm sure of it_."  
"Seiji, the special thing is here. Right here, with us now."  
"I know."

He ran his hands slowly down her back, drew her against him. He lowered his head and kissed her hair. "You're shaking." It was true; her body was taut as a wire. She tilted her head back, their faces were almost touching. She looked carefully into his eyes, glancing from one eye to the other, as if to make sure that both were sending the same message. The laughter, the joking were over now. Her eyes, her face were serious. His eyes were wide, the pupils dilated. She spoke again, she had almost no voice left now, it was hardly even a whisper, she made the shape of the words with her mouth but no sound came:

"Kiss me."

Slowly he pressed his lips to hers. He moved with infinite gentleness, he didn't want to rush anything, he almost felt like he should be seeking her permission to do anything. Within a moment though he felt her press against him and her arms, until now limp at her sides lifted and her hands stroked up his back. Their mouths opened and the kiss born as a gauche awkward child in the dark alleyway now grew strongly and confidently into adulthood. He was hard again at once, he just couldn't help it, her soft warmth pressed against him and her taste, her smell, her energy lifted him beyond the point where he knew he could stop, where if she'd demanded he stop, then he would have been able to obey. His hands slid down to the base of her spine. Below the cotton pyjama jacket he found hot skin, he pressed his hands down further, onto her bottom and caressed her, stroked down to the smooth curves at the very top of the backs of her legs.

"Mmmmm…" she moaned, he broke the kiss a moment, "Seiji…"  
"It's OK?"  
"Mmm, yes." Her hands felt for the hem of his tee shirt and slid under, up his back, his muscles spasmed with goose bumps, her touch was like life itself, like electricity feeding a motor. He felt her stomach press into his, he knew she must be able to feel him where he was hard. She moaned again.  
"Oh, is that you?"  
"Hmm, yeah." He found it hard to speak, his throat was dry. The kiss resumed and as she moved against him he was shocked at how she expressed her need, he'd not expected this. "Wait," he broke contact and began to lift his tee shirt over his head.  
"No, let me," she pushed her hands under the cloth, catching a roll of it and pushed upwards. The shirt came up until it was over his face. And then it got stuck.  
"No, oh, stupid thing," he made a small growl of frustration, then she giggled and he found himself laughing too. His head stuck inside the shirt, his eyes blindfolded. Her laughter grew and he felt her quick fingers at the cloth again, peeling it back over his chin, his nose, his brow. He could see again. Her wide grin was inches away.  
"Damn. Bloody shirt!" he cursed, but she merely giggled more.  
"No, stop. Let me." She pulled the shirt off his head, it was tangled behind his neck, across his shoulders, pinning his arms.  
"Ah, that's ruined everything."  
"Oh, I don't know. This is nice." Shizuku placed her palms on his chest and ran her hands across his skin. She found he was hard and smooth, pale; the colour of cream while her hands were darker. She could feel the springy muscles of his breast and the lines of his ribs at the sides. It was all new, all wonderful, all hers to explore. As she brushed her fingers over his nipples she was surprised to feel them harden, like her own. He hissed breath in through his teeth.  
"What?"  
"That tickles. Didn't know I was sensitive there."  
"Really?" she could see goose bumps on the skin around the nipple, it suddenly seemed the obvious thing to do – to warm him – so she used her mouth. She kissed and ran her hot tongue across the stiff point.  
"Mmmm…" now it was his turn to moan. She lifted her mouth away.  
"Is that good?"  
"Mmm."  
"I thought only mine would do that." She looked up at him cheekily, then reapplied her mouth, her tongue. For a moment there was silence in the room, only breathing. Seiji felt like an explorer, a wanderer into uncharted lands, everything was new, new sensations, new sights, new smells. It was good, so good. He reached his arms up behind his back awkwardly and pulled the tangled tee shirt down and off. Shizuku took her mouth off him only to shift it to his other nipple.  
"Mmmm, no. Oh, that really tingles."  
"Too much?"  
"Hm," he nodded, "very sensitive, makes me shiver." She placed her hands back, stroking, caressing.  
"That's new. I didn't know boys could respond like that."  
"Me neither."

He bent to kiss her again, she continued to explore his skin with her hands, he moved his hands around her again, slid them down. This time when he reached bare skin he slid his hands up under her shirt, felt the bumps of her spine, found that her waist was tiny, it narrowed in steeply above her hips, he felt like he could snap her in two she was so slim. Their kiss was less tentative now, more urgent, they were finding out what they liked, it was one marvellous learning curve. Seiji moved one hand around to her front and found the smooth soft dome of her stomach, the dimple of her navel. She moaned again, now her hands were at the waistband of his trousers, there was no belt, just a stud fastener and a zip. In a moment it was undone. Seiji stopped and kept his hands still, just marvelling at the wonderful springy feel of her tummy, its smoothness and shape. He hardly dared breathe. He broke the kiss.

"Yes, undress me."

Shizuku slid the zip down, slowly, as slowly as she could. She was trying to imprint this on her mind for ever, to remember this, this first time, the most important time. His boyish hips would no longer hold the garment up and the trousers slid down his legs. He managed to step out of them without falling over, without messing it all up, without causing another giggling fit. Her hands went over his bottom and squeezed.

"Mmmm…" she murmured her approval.  
"Alright? Is everything OK?"  
"Yeah, oh, yes. I can't believe this is so nice. You're so warm."  
"Can I?"  
"What?"  
"I want to. Um… I want to undress you. May I?" she didn't answer with her voice. Taking a pace back she reached for his hand, lifted it from her stomach and brought it to her face. She bent her head and kissed his palm, then kissed each fingertip. Then Shizuku placed his hand on her throat.  
"There are six buttons."


	11. Chapter 10 Fireworks

**Chapter Ten – Fireworks**

She took her small hand from his and let it fall to her side. She tucked it behind her and linked fingers with her other hand. With her hands behind her she felt quite naughty, it was a submissive posture but in a way it was she who was in control. Seiji brought his mouth to hers again and gave her another tender kiss.

"Are you ready?"  
"Mm,"

She gave a simple nod, a simple smile. He began to undo the buttons. His fingers were shaking. He noticed that at her neck there was a pulse beating under her skin. He paused to press his lips to it; she turned her head a little to one side to allow him to kiss her. Another button opened. Seiji could hear a funny noise in his head and realised it was his own breathing, and his own blood pumping through his body. He made an effort to slow it down, to take deeper breaths. She turned her head again and watched his face, she wanted to see his expression when his eyes looked on her for the first time. Another button, her navel was exposed now but the jacket sides didn't fall open because they rested on the curves of her chest. Seiji undid the last button and the garment fell open. It was the triangle at her centre that he saw first. He lifted his gaze and as he did so he ran his hands up her stomach, up her breastbone to her shoulders and parted them so that the shirt opened and slipped off. She let her hands drop apart and it fell in a heap behind her. She linked her hands together again. He looked into her eyes.

"Shizuku, I love you."  
"Seiji, I love you too,"

She was full of joy, his face was a picture, it was like a child's face on a birthday, unwrapping the best present ever. She smiled at him,

"Please. Touch me."

Her voice was shaking, as she was. The cool air blown by the fan passed across her skin and she felt the points of her breasts harden. She was taking quick shallow breaths, her chest rose and fell. Seiji broke eye contact and looked down at her. She was so slim, so frail, so perfect. For a moment he couldn't bring himself to touch her.

"Oh, Shizuku. Look at you. You're beautiful."

Moving slowly he lifted his hands and placed them on her, he cupped her, felt the liquid softness of her, warm, gentle, flowing, pulsing under his fingers. The two small points of hardness seemed to burn under his hands. With great care he ran his thumbs, his fingers over them. She moaned, more urgently this time. He squeezed gently, released the pressure, squeezed again, each press brought another small murmur from her. Her lips were parted.

"Mmm, yes. Yes please."

He stooped and kissed her mouth, then her neck again, kissed lower, her collar bone, the little dimple of skin just above it, her breastbone, he moved his lips over the amazingly springy flesh until he found one nipple and his mouth closed over it, his fingers caressed the other.

"Oh. Yes!"

Shizuku squeezed her eyes shut. Even when she touched herself it wasn't like this. She was burning, her body responded in ways she'd never felt before, her nipples were scalding her, hard as pebbles, they seemed to get bigger and harder the more he touched them, she began to lose herself in a new and astonishing sensation. In her gut, deep, deep in her belly at her most secret place there was a white spark and it began to blossom outwards, little flickerings of fire from this spark were in her chest, stabbing, spinning, whirling. Every time his tongue or the hard edge of his teeth scraped her there the heat and sensation grew stronger. She put one hand out onto the back of his head and pressed him against her.

"Mmmm… Seiji, please, more,"

She'd touched herself before, she was no stranger to this sensation but it had never been quite like this, this strong and just from being touched there. Her nipples felt like they would burst. She was muttering, gasping,

"Oh. Oh, yes, mmmm…"

She couldn't bear it, the pleasure was burning her. Without thinking she reached for his free hand, his right hand - and taking it in her left hand she guided it down and pressed it between her legs,

"Touch me, please…"

and then his fingers were there right at her centre, right at her opening, she felt them move, she felt how wet she was. His fingers entered and pulled back, entered and pulled back. They moved slightly upwards and one of his fingers grazed across her very core and she instantly burst, the explosion in her tummy tore through her, she cried out, she held his head to her breast with one hand and his hand against her groin with the other. She flung her head back and screamed, it was so good. It went on and on, pulses of pleasure roaring through her like the heavy freight cars of a long train thundering by. She wailed helplessly and felt herself falling, her knees buckled, hands were behind her, at her back. She collapsed, still moaning and he guided her, half carried her to the bed and laid her on it. With her eyes closed and her head thrown back she moaned again as the great waves of power began to subside, to weaken. She reached out for him, a pure instinct, she felt his head, his neck, his back and she pulled him down on top of her. He took his weight on one elbow and lay partly on her, partly beside her, between her legs. Her breathing began to slow, her arched back relaxed. She lay quiet for a time and opened her eyes. He was watching her, waiting for her to return. His face was worried.

"Are you OK? Did I hurt you?"  
"Oh, God, Seiji, oh my God," she gasped and moaned again, "that was wonderful. Oh you gorgeous, gorgeous boy. Thank you!" She reached out for him and he fell onto her and they hugged.  
"Was that…?"  
"Yes, it was. You made me… finish." She was unable to vocalize the word, speaking the right word seemed somehow wrong here, the mood was different, this was so personal. Seiji's grin returned,  
"I thought I'd hurt you."  
"Oh, no, just the opposite in fact."  
"Can I assume that was good, then?"  
"Mmmm…" she smiled at him, "that was… oh, I can't describe it. Like fireworks inside me. And being in heaven," she hugged him again, "oh, Seiji I love you so much!"


	12. Chapter 11 Shizuku Discovers Something

**Chapter Eleven – Shizuku Discovers Something She Likes**

For a while they lay together in the warm gloom of the room. There was no need to speak, no need to move. They lay quietly, connected silently to each other. Seiji broke the quiet with a whisper,

"It happened so fast. Is that how it happens?"  
"I don't know. I just don't know much about it. Maybe it is. It surprised me too."  
"I thought I'd really hurt you," he smiled, "the noise you made, I was sure I'd broken something… somehow…"  
"It's fine. I feel lovely. I feel so calm… and whole."

He lay a little on one side, his head propped up on his right arm, the elbow dented the pillow beside her head. He placed his left hand on her stomach, stroked the skin, slid his fingers upwards to the curves of her chest.

"You're beautiful. I've never seen anything so beautiful. I can't believe this is happening."  
"I think…"  
"What?"  
"Well, you seem to have too many clothes on."  
"Uh…"

She wiggled out from under him, he lifted his hip so she could move her leg. She sat up and swung her legs off the bed. She reached for the glass of water, took a sip. He looked at her back, at the shape of her spine under the skin. She turned to face him again, he was on his back now.

"May I?" she looked down at his stomach, moved her eyes lower.  
"Um."  
"Still nervous?"  
"Yes."  
"Me too. I'm not sure what we do next. Um… I think… this."

She placed a hand on the outside of his thigh, moved it up to his hip, where she could slip her fingers under the waistband of his briefs. She put her other hand on his other hip and took hold of the narrow strip of cloth on that side. Seiji was like a board, so nervous, so unsure, he couldn't relax. It wasn't so much that he was ashamed or embarrassed, just that he didn't know what the rules of this game were and he wanted to play it right and not mess everything up. Shizuku looked him in the eye, to get assurance that this was OK. He nodded once, a very slight nod. She pulled her hands down, the material came with them, he lifted his bottom a little and she slid her hands down further and his last small piece of clothing pulled down his legs, over his knees. She took the briefs off over his feet and dropped them on the floor. She looked at his face first, making sure he was certain of this. Where her arm touched his leg she could feel it shaking.

"Please, Seiji, try and relax."  
"Right, right." He swallowed, his mouth was dry again.

She looked down at him. It was nothing like she'd expected. The illustrations in the educational books at school were nothing like this at all. They looked like something that might hang in a butchers shop, no life in them, no spirit in them at all, like dead meat. But this. This was completely different. And… well… _bigger. _That was a good word to describe it. And it moved, it pulsed, she could see a pulse on the side where his blood flowed. The whole thing twitched occasionally, it was like an animal, it had a life of its own. And below it, the skin bag that contained him, it too reminded her of an animal. Maybe one of those sea birds that have the skin pouches under their beaks for putting fish in. What _was_ she thinking? Her mind seemed to be going off at a stupid tangent. Seiji looked at her. As she moved her chest moved, changed shape as she leaned over. It was fascinating to watch, her body was fluid, nothing seemed to stay in one place for more than a moment. She was exciting to look at. In his excitement he twitched and Shizuku gave a little gasp as his hardness moved.

"I… I want to touch. Yes?"

He couldn't answer, he just nodded. She knelt up, her right knee between his, his right thigh between hers, his legs a little apart. She checked his eyes one final time then reached out for him. His stomach was pale. Hard and flat, she slid her fingers down from his navel through the tangle of wiry hair and with her thumb and fingers making a ring, she touched him, lifted him. She was struck by how hard he was, and how hot. Underneath there was a softer tube running along the length from base to head, as she held him her thumb pressed into it. With her left hand she scooped her fingers under the bag of skin below him. Everything inside it flopped about, he was all loose, she was fascinated, this was nothing like the pictures she'd seen – pictures just couldn't convey the weight, the solidity, the temperature, the fleshiness, the texture at all. His breathing came fast and shallow. At the very tip she noticed a bead of fluid, like a tear. She knew that her body made fluid when it was excited, fluid to lubricate her inside, but she'd never thought that he might produce fluid as well, this was all so new, so wonderful. She didn't even consider what happened next, her next move seemed so obvious to her that she didn't pause to think. She dipped her head down and licked the drop of fluid off him. It was oily, slippery, very slightly salt, like tears.

"Ah!" he let out a gasp of surprise. She circled her thumb and fingers tighter about him and moved her hand a little, forwards, backwards, just to see what would happen. What happened was he groaned again, louder and another bead of fluid appeared. She looked at his face, his eyes were wide, he seemed to be struggling to maintain composure. Then she understood, the end of him, the head, where he was widest, was like her own small core, fantastically sensitive. She had peaked almost as soon as he'd touched her there, maybe he was close too? She didn't know, but a sense of adventure came over her, a mischievous streak of fun. Well, the second bead of fluid would need to be removed too, wouldn't it? She gave him a quirky grin, one eyebrow raised, a sort of unspoken _Well, I'm going to do this because it looks like fun. Whether you mind or not._ She touched her mouth to him, flicked out her tongue a little and drew the bead of clear liquid between her lips. There was a very slight tang to the taste, a slight muskiness, it wasn't unpleasant at all. In fact she decided she liked it. Keeping her face close she moved her hand back and something very unexpected happened. The covering of skin over the top slid back and an opening appeared, this little dimple filled up immediately with fluid again, so she licked this off too. Seiji was making a funny noise, a sort of whining, gasping sound. At the periphery of her vision she could see one of his hands balled into a fist gripping the covering on the bed, the tendons of his wrist were taut. She glanced up, his eyes were shut, his head turned to one side, his chest rose and fell rapidly. She guessed his insides must be on fire, just as hers had been. She looked back at the dimple. The skin that covered him seemed to have got thinner as she pulled it back, it was elastic and stretched. Then she understood. The skin covering wasn't a part of the wide head at all. It wasn't attached but could be slid back to expose… what? She didn't know. She tried to imagine what the head would look like without the covering of skin but couldn't. How far back would the skin move? She didn't want to hurt him.

"I'm not sure what to do. Um… look… if anything hurts, just say so. Yes?"  
"Yeah, yes… I feel… I don't know, sort of, on the brink." She smiled, she understood that concept at least. She got more comfortable on her elbows, wiggled down a little.  
"My leg."  
"What?"  
"Need to move it."  
"Which way?"  
"Left one, apart."  
"OK, wait."

She shifted position again, he moved his left leg to the left, so his were wide apart, Then she settled into the space between them. That was better. _This was complex stuff_, she thought, _bits of bodies get in the way. _With one hand gripping him and the other cupping beneath she pulled the skin back a little more. Then a little more. He moaned again.

"Oh, God."  
"OK?"  
"Mmmm…"

She carried on. A pink smooth curved head was exposed. At the centre was a small vertical slit. At once a rivulet of fluid poured from it and ran down to her thumb. He was making fluid almost as much as she did. This was strange – if her body made the lubricant to allow him to enter, why did his need to make it? She licked this off as well. She pulled back harder now and the taut thin skin slid right back behind the head, once it was out of its tight covering it seemed to swell. It was smooth, shiny, like a raw kidney only not as dark.

"Uh… huh… hnnnnnnn." The sounds he made told her she wasn't hurting him, but she didn't know how much time she had. The pink shiny head was so pretty, like a sweet, a lollipop. Underneath it was a different shape, there was something else going on there; a sort of divide and a membrane of skin. She could smell him, a faint spiciness, the smell was good, it was a boy smell and it excited her. She opened her mouth wide, as wide as she could and put her lips over the red lollipop, her tongue licked its underside where the strange groove was. Now the flavour was stronger, it was really nice. She ran her tongue right around the head and at once the whole thing twitched and jerked in her mouth.

"Ah, oh, rrrrrr… oh yes." She lifted her head.  
"What is it?"  
"Oh, so good… that's so good… oh. Shizuku. Please. Again. Don't stop."

She grinned and put her mouth back. Perhaps if he were to open her and put his mouth on her it would be like this, would feel very much the same? She moved her tongue slowly, sliding it to different areas of the head. She would touch the sides, then the top or the bottom and everywhere she went his reaction was different. Right underneath just below the small slit was where he really responded. She found that if she licked a certain part or applied pressure in a certain way, if she closed her mouth a little and let her teeth grate across his skin he would arch his back, or twist his head from side to side, first moaning, then crying out. The feeling of power over him was amazing. In a way she was submitting to him, serving him, but at the same time, he was at her mercy. The depth of relationship they had as she performed this simple act on him astounded her. Doing this she felt such a strong connection to him. It was a demonstration of love she'd never considered. She was learning. And she was thoroughly enjoying herself. She took her mouth off and for a while just ran her tongue around to different areas, different corners. She discovered that the round top of the head had a ridge behind it, a furrow from which the moveable hood of skin seemed to grow, or be attached. She could trace her tongue along this furrow and get yet a different response from him. But all the time he seemed to get noisier, his body grew more taut, more desperate. She had no idea when but she thought it would be soon when he would finish. And she wanted this to be special, she wanted him in her, she needed that. She felt that this first time _they_ needed that. She stopped and lifted her head.

"Seiji?"  
"Mmm?"  
"Can we? I mean would you – uh, lie with me?"  
"Um," he opened his eyes, he was panting, like a dog.  
"Seiji I want you. Inside me. Please."


	13. Chapter 12 Why am I Crying?

**Chapter Twelve – Why am I Crying?**

She sat up, then lifting one leg carefully so as not to hurt him she stepped lightly off the bed.

"What are you doing?"  
"Bathroom," she called back over her shoulder.

Seiji lay back, and watched her. He found the view from behind just as lovely as the front, just as intriguing. Her back narrowed to a small waist which flared out to her hips and her cute bottom. As she walked the whole combination of curves and shapes, of shadows and roundness moved about and changed as the light fell on it. It was fascinating. She came back out at once, a towel in her hands. He watched her breasts bounce and move as she approached the bed again. She stopped and regarded him with serious eyes. He looked down at himself, at the part of him that protruded. She smiled.

"Look at you. You look lovely," she said.

He sat up and swung his legs off the bed, he stood. She dropped the towel on the bed, moved to him and they held each other. She could feel the hard spear of him squashed up against her stomach. She was desperate to find out how it would feel inside her.

"I want you. I need you in me. Please. Would you?"  
"Yes. I want to. Lie down."

Shizuku arranged the towel across the bed and sat, swung her legs up and lay back, the towel under her bottom. Now it was her turn to be nervous. She knew there would be pain but not how much, she knew there would be blood but again, not how much. Seiji squatted beside the bed and kissed her. He didn't speak, nor did she, there was no longer any need to. He stood, swung one knee over and rested it between her legs, he brought the other leg up and knelt facing her. She smiled to encourage him. He placed his hands either side of her ribcage and came forward to kiss her again. Her forehead, her eyelids, her cheeks, her mouth. Shizuku felt herself tensing up, she knew she need not, she had utter trust in him, utter trust in what her mother had said. This _was_ the right time for her, the right place, she could not have dreamed up a more perfect evening, a more perfect lover. She closed her eyes, she felt the bed move as he shifted his weight. His lips kissed her throat, her shoulder, her arm, the curved side of her breast, the point of her breast. Her body tingled and her breathing quickened. Now his mouth was moving lower, her ribs, her stomach, his lips and tongue flickered like an insect at her navel. She couldn't help but let out a small moan. The urges within her body responded to his touch and unable to control herself she arched her back a little and opened her legs wider. Her body was like a machine in some ways, a machine designed to produce offspring, once the system was started up her brain no longer controlled it and it responded in its own way, different parts doing different jobs. Deep inside her certain glands secreted certain chemicals, millions of nerve endings responded to electrical signals and became so much more sensitive, the smells in the room, his smell and his touch fuelled the whole system, her pores opened and her own scent encouraged him, she felt the cool air from the fan at the bedside brush across her breasts. His mouth was lower now, brushing down over the gentle dome of her abdomen. Would he kiss her there? She hardly cared any more, if he did he did, and if not, what did it matter? She lifted her arms over her head and gripped the spindles of the iron bedstead, she tilted her head back and moaned again. Her hips twisted, her body adjusting itself to the appropriate angle for the welcome intruder to gain entry. Her mind had no idea what the best angle was, her body however did. Then his breath was there, brushing gently at the light downy covering at her groin.

"Oh… uhhrrr…" She couldn't help it, the pleasure was such that vocalizing her need was an instinctive thing.

A bright spark of pleasure darted in her tummy as his lips touched her.

"Aah! Oh!"

His mouth pressed onto her, the hot spark grew and grew, there was a buzzing in her ears, colours behind her eyelids. On instinct she lifted her knees and drew her legs wider apart, her body's need outweighed all thoughts now of trivial things like modesty or shame. She opened herself for him. His tongue briefly lapped at her opening and now his fingers were there, they traced her outline, her boundary, then ventured in. She cried out again and her hips bucked, the sensations piled on top of each other, stacked up and up. One of his hands came up to her breast, traced its shape, then fingers pinched the tip.

"Mmmmmmm…!"  
"Shizuku…?"  
"Mmm?"  
"Look at me."

She opened her eyes, his face was calm, his eyelids part closed. His knees were apart, under her thighs. The hand that caressed her breast lifted and he pressed it onto the bed by her armpit, he rested his weight on that arm.

"Shizuku, my God, you're soaking… I didn't know…"  
"Seiji, now, please now. Just be in me."

As he leaned forward and guided himself with his other hand she felt a touch at her opening again, but this was no tongue now, no finger. It was much larger. She felt herself give, the sparkling tingling dancing sensation became so much stronger. There was this glorious sensation as he touched her, of her flesh opening, stretching, receiving, she opened wide, wider. He came into her and suddenly there was pain, a sharp sweet stab of pain. She cried out, thrashed her head from side to side. It hurt, it hurt so much, then suddenly it didn't hurt any more. Her muscles contracted in her pain and squeezed and he pushed forward.

"Oh!"  
"Yes, Shizuku!"  
"Seiji!"

His other hand pressed into the bed on the other side of her ribs, he rested his weight on them. She felt him in her, she felt his heat, his hardness, she squeezed and gripped him, he moaned and moved and in moving he stretched her further. He came deeper, deeper. She tilted her hips back until her calves rested on his back, her heels on his spine. He bent his arms slowly and held his face inches from hers. Then he kissed her and she lifted her head up to meet him. His tongue was in her mouth, pushing in as he pushed in below, her excitement grew as she tasted herself on him. He adjusted his position a little and pressed down on her, she felt pressure right on her core, on her special point as his groin pressed against her. She took her hands off the bed rails and hugged him hard.

"Oh, Seiji Amasawa, God I love you!"  
"Shizuku." He panted her name, he could hardly speak.  
"I can feel you, inside, _oh_…!"

He kissed her again, this kiss went on and on. He didn't move inside her, but she felt him twitching, she squeezed him and their tongues caressed each other. They gasped and moaned in their eagerness. She couldn't believe how good this felt, he was touching her inside everywhere at once, he seemed to fill her, she could even feel the pulsing of his blood vessels, her senses seemed to have been set jangling. She found that by tensing the muscles in her pelvis she could squeeze herself tighter around his hardness. When she did this he moaned. So she squeezed again and again he moaned against her mouth.

"Shizuku, I can feel you holding me, gripping. Are you doing that?"  
"Mmm, yes, that's me. Is it nice?"  
"Oh, yes. It's so...mmm...tight."

She smiled at him. She lifted her arms once more and held onto the bed rails. Then he began to move, slowly at first. Out a little, then back. Out again. She felt he might leave her, she didn't want him to leave her, she'd feel empty without him, so she gripped him and he came back in, deep, deeper than before. Out again. She began to lose control, she broke the kiss and turned her head aside, she bucked her hips against him, her body took over and encouraged him to move faster, deeper. As he pushed down her hips pushed up. She was moaning continuously. She had no idea, no idea at all it would be this good, there was no way to describe it except as pure love and pure pleasure, pure everything, everything in the world, everything she'd ever experienced seemed to be suddenly concentrated in her groin, where he was moving, where she was stretching. As he moved the bone of his groin repeatedly pressed against her and suddenly she knew it was happening. It was only a few minutes but she was almost there. There was something like the feeling of a wire, a violin string being wound tighter and tighter until it sang with a rigid pure life all of its own. She opened her eyes, the whole bed was moving, she was bouncing, grinding her hips up to him, his face was tensed as though he were in pain, his eyes shut, his jaw clenched, she saw the muscles in his arms, in his shoulders locked solid, taking both his weight and moving him back and forth. She screamed, suddenly there was an explosion at her core, right _there_, at her most secret place and then it happened, she called his name, his eyes opened and as she yelled out in pleasure he looked at her. Her head jerked back, her spine arched and her stomach pressed up to him. He bore down onto her, into her as hard as he could. She was gasping, crying, calling out his name again. He felt the hot wet tightness around him grip hard, harder still then pulse and pulse again, she seemed to squeeze, release and squeeze more. He thrust in one last time and then he felt something coming. It built up in his groin, it felt unstoppable, there were an indescribable few seconds of knowing it was going to happen just before it actually _did_ happen, yet not being able to stop it or do anything about it. Then he cried out and released inside her, his body convulsed, once, twice, a third time. He heard his voice calling for her, from a long way off, calling her name over and over. He collapsed onto her, grinding down as hard as he could. She wailed again under him, put her arms round him and held him tight.

"Oh, Seiji, oh my God, oh yes, yes, _yes!_… oh. _Mom! Dad!_"

She began to cry, tears poured down her face, she wept, she sobbed, her whole body shook. He brushed her hair from her damp forehead. He kissed away her tears. She was covered with sweat. He realised he was dripping too.

"Shizuku, Shizuku, don't cry, it's alright… don't cry."  
"Seiji, I love you so much. Please don't you ever, _ever_ leave me!"  
"No, I won't. And I won't ever want to."  
"Oh, God"  
"It's OK, I'm here"  
"God, I'm crying. Why am I crying?"  
"I love you."  
"Oh, Seiji… I can't believe it…"  
"What?"  
"Mmm… it's so good."  
"Shizuku?"  
"Please. Stay in me. Just hold me. Stay here tonight. Sleep with me."  
"Yes. Yes."  
"Mmmm… that was… oh, my... I can't speak."  
"No need to, there's no need. Just kiss me."

So she did.


	14. Postscript: The World is Made New

_Author note – if you have the CD of the soundtrack to _Pom Poko_, or you have the mp3 files on your PC, please play the following tracks as you read this:_

"_Aika", "Teiryuu – Mukashi wo ima ni ga na" and "Tanuki ha ima... (Epirougu)" (tracks 21, 22 and 23). If you can set these three tracks to repeat, then all the better. I wrote this postscript while this music played, and they set the mood for me._

**Postscript - The World is Made New **

It was the dream again, the same one, the one he had many nights; night after night. He was on a grassy mound or hill, a valley below him and other mountains around. He knew what those mountains were, they were where he wanted to be; his aspirations, his hopes. The valley swarmed with the enemy, numberless thousands of them, little dark leathery men. They were something like _Koropokkur_ but with evil intent, so more akin to European goblins. They never fought him, never attacked but they blocked his way out and if he moved they crowded up toward him. And every single one of them had his own face. This time though the dream was different. He wasn't alone on the hill, there was someone with him. He couldn't see them but he could feel them beside him. He didn't know if it was a girl or a boy, or it might have been an androgynous combination of both. But it was someone young, someone his own age, someone full of energy and vigour, someone strong – encouraging him. The army of his-face _Koropokkur_ seemed uncertain, nervous now. He felt sure the two of them could win the battle if they fought together.

He woke.

He'd been dreaming, he knew he had but he couldn't recall the details. Everything was hazy and formless. He hated this feeling, of reaching out with his mind to remember a dream and as he did so it receded from him faster than he could follow. Why did that happen? Why did the mind play tricks on you like that? This time though something about the dream had left a small taste of encouragement in his mind. This time he hadn't been alone. This was the first time he'd recalled this dream where someone had been with him. He'd never had anyone with him before. He wallowed in that sensation of not-lonely, not-alone.

He opened his eyes.

There was light in the room. He wondered where he was. It wasn't the spare room above grandpa's shop, he knew that, the feeling was all wrong. Nor was it his bedroom at home. Then it came to him: Italy. He was in Italy, in Cremona, at the violin school. He had to get up, he'd be late for classes. Then suddenly he remembered where he _really_ was.

He wasn't in the dormitory rooms above the school, he was in the hotel. Across the courtyard. He was in _her_ bedroom. In her bed. She was next to him, asleep, curled on her right side facing away from him. He looked at the auburn mop of her hair. He watched her bare side rise and fall, gently, slowly. He lay back and let the wonderful feeling wash over him. It was like waking up and fearing you were late for school and then suddenly realising that today was Sunday and there wasn't any school and you could lie in bed as long as you liked. He loved that kind of feeling, it didn't happen often but when it did it was special. On balance between the flying-away-dream feeling and the waking-and-it's-not-school feeling, the not-school one compensated easily every time. He smiled.

And this time was the most special time of all. The memory of last night poured over him and his smile became a giant grin of happiness, of victory even. Last night a boy had climbed the stairs behind her; this morning a man would walk down them. He lay quietly turning over the events of last night in his head, savouring every wonderful moment, every touch, every sensation, all that they (that she), had said. He focussed especially on what she had said, he wanted to burn her words into his memory and keep them always precious and safe. He would never abandon them, never turn his back on them. He would always honour them. Last night she'd spoken to him the most precious words of all, and he lay here now, cocooned in the afterglow of the night before and silently promised her he would always hold her words, and hold true to them. _Seiji, I love you so much. Please don't you ever, ever leave me._

It was warm in the room, the fan on the bedside cabinet had been whirring all night but it didn't cool the air, only moved it. They'd left the shutters to the balcony open wide and now morning sunlight streamed in, a light breeze coyly intruded with it, apologising for being so ineffectual. He vaguely remembered they'd fallen asleep cuddled together on top of the bed, naked, but either he, or she (he couldn't remember it at all) had pulled a single sheet up over them sometime in the night. The white sheet covered them only to their hips. Now he placed his hand on her side and ran it down, pushing the sheet away with it. Her bottom was exposed, balled tightly into his lap. The boy and the girl lay like two spoons. He stroked her leg and then swept his hand up again over the soft curve, down into the dip of her waist and up her flank. He'd learned many things last night, one of them was – never touch too lightly, that way you might tickle her and break the mood. Or in this case - wake her. So he moved his hand slowly but firmly, exerting a steady but gentle pressure on her skin. He slid his hand around to her front - under her arm - and cupped her. He didn't squeeze or stroke, he didn't want to wake her; he kept his hand still; he merely needed to have contact with her. He lay, silently communing with her body, a special relationship only present when the one you love is asleep and you are awake. As he held her he could feel her heart beating. His own heart sang like a bird. He found he was so happy that he had a tear in his eye.

For five minutes he lay still, feeling her warmth, feeling her heart.

He wondered what time it was. Signore Guarnieri's school didn't begin until nine but it felt late even now. Her watch was by the fan. He lifted his hand off her and reached for it. He pressed against her and she murmured in her sleep. She would wake soon. The watch said half past two. Well, no surely that couldn't be right. He turned the watch round. Eight, it said eight o'clock. He lay back down, his head propped on his right hand. They had plenty of time. But even an hour wouldn't be enough, he wanted to stay with her all day, to stay here for ever, to never go home. This First Waking was special and he wanted it to never end.

He looked down at her. Being less tall than he, her head was a little lower down the bed and she was curled in on herself. He could see her nose but not her face. He lowered his head and kissed her hair. He adjusted his position and kissed her shoulder, her neck. She was so warm, so soft. He could smell her perfume. Under that was a much more interesting scent - her scent. It was earthy, it reminded him a little of kicking through fallen leaves in the autumn, mysterious and musky, rich and dark. There was a light spicy hint in there as well, he could only think of new-mown grass. He breathed deeply, smelling her. It was a special scent he knew already, he wanted it to linger with him all day.

"Mmmmmm…" she moved her head a little, turned it toward him.  
"Hello," he spoke in a whisper, "good morning."

She opened her eyes. He smiled. After a moment of vacant nothing on her face she focussed on his eyes, and returned his smile. Without speaking she rolled over, put her arm around him and buried her face in his chest, cuddling against him. He thought she was like a cat, an affectionate kitten, still sleepy. He kissed her hair again. _Oh, why couldn't this last forever?  
_  
"I love you."  
"Mmmm," she turned her head to him again, "hello," she smiled, "I love you too."  
"How do you feel?"  
She was quiet for a while, thinking. Perhaps a minute went by. Then she said, "The world is made new, and I am made new with it."

With that she put her face back to his chest again. Her arm squeezed him and she snuggled back down. That was all she said. Later he would write these words down. He decided they were the most wonderful words he'd ever heard.

Eventually her ticking watch demanded they get up, and shower, and dress, and eat, and begin the day. An otherwise mundane day, much like many others. But there would be other days, other evenings and other mornings like this one and Seiji realised that holding on to this first morning wasn't necessary, he could let it go. It wasn't important that every minute stay with him, there would be so many other minutes with her and each of them would be precious. There was time for them all.

_The End_

_MS-C  
__13th – 21st November 2006_


	15. End Notes

**End Notes  
**

Thank you for reading this far. No, really. I appreciate it. I sincerely hoped you enjoyed it. Well, if you've got this far I assume you did. If you did, please tell me (e-mail, review or PM, or a note on my ff dot net forum – follow the link from my username/profile).

If _The End of Summer_ was hard to write then _The Attic Room_, although a third of the length, felt like three times the effort. I decided at the beginning of _The End of Summer_ that my fanfic work on _Whisper of the Heart_ would uphold the values of the original anime. That meant that my work, if it was to be believable, in character and satisfy me, must reflect the pure and wholesome values of the original. This was a love between children, a certain type of love that never addresses more worldly, more complex issues. Maybe you think I'm hiding from reality by upholding these values. Far from it. As well as being respectful to one of the great animated movies of all time I believed my upholding of the values given us in _Whisper of the Heart_ indicates a reflection of what we could and should hold true in all our lives. I think the kind of relationship we are shown in _Whisper of the Heart_ and the kind of aspirations and struggles to succeed, the hard work and determination and the love and support of parents for their child that the anime shows us are even more valid today than they were in 1995. The contemporary world has slipped even further down the slope of social decline; if we don't hold on to these values firmly now, they may soon be lost.

So why did I write a short story that describes two young people losing their virginity to each other while trying to uphold those values?

I felt that this would be a really important moment in the growth of their relationship and also that it should be an event that would deepen and broaden their love. It should be an experience that teaches much, particularly trust, sharing and communing with another soul without words. Sex the first time is a landmark for most people. It was for me. My memories of the event are good and I wanted to impart that sort of wholesomeness into the story of these two teenagers. I love writing about these sorts of events - I don't mean sex but events that encourage, strengthen and uplift me and hopefully you, the reader. I was greatly encouraged during writing this. The sense of love, joy, trust, wonder, privacy, warmth, discovery, happiness, fun, tenderness and selflessness I depicted in the story are values I think the world today has begun to turn its back on. Spend an hour on any internet search engine and you quickly discover how the world now views love. This revolts me. I wanted to depict a sex scene unlike any other I've seen on film or read in a book. I wanted the union of these two young people to be as near perfect and stress- and guilt free as I could contrive. It's a story that when I read it, it makes me smile and feel good. I hope you do as well.

Additionally, I tried to describe the act of intercourse with reference to as few body parts and processes as possible. I refused to use many common coarse phrases and names of body parts which I consider to be just too pornographic. I hope you will notice the absence of many words that you might usually expect to find in a description of sexual intercourse. What I hope I've ended up with is almost an abstract event - dreamlike, one that makes the feelings and thoughts of the girl and the boy much more important than the acts they are doing. There is a lot of descriptive action of course but I tried to interlace with this the thoughts and responses of the couple and there is also a continuous dialogue between them – sometimes spoken, sometimes by looks and gestures, sometimes by physical contact. I hope the end result is heart-warming, encouraging, and in places, funny.

Whether this style of writing has worked or failed I don't know. I hope it has but I would appreciate your feedback on whether or not you think it works. Thanks.

-oOo-

I want to drop in here a note I wrote to another fan fiction dot net user. This person had written a note to me saying how much they liked the story but this person's comments made me feel that they had not yet experienced what Shizuku and Seiji experience in this story. So here's my reply:

I'm not totally sure where you are coming from or how old you are. Just in case your parents look at your 'puter you need to know that I'm 47, married and have a beautiful 12 year old daughter, who I love to the ends of the earth, just in case you (or they) think it's odd that I'm writing this stuff. No idea who or where you are except I know you are in the USA, and I'm in England so no worries there. Anyway if it bothers you that I respond to your comments then just don't reply, it's no sweat.

But I do respond because your comments are so cute and positive feeling. They inspire me ;)

I sort of take it from your comment that you've not done what Shizuku and Seiji are doing?

You need to know that I have described what I'd call a Perfect First Time. Sadly, it is hardly ever like this. From my own experiences I know it can be much less successful than this, things go wrong and it's not especially enjoyable. In my story the girl and boy have the real luxury of the privacy of a hotel room for a whole night and are in a really romantic Italian city. That's so rare for first timers – it's often somewhere much less romantic like mom and dad's sofa or the back of your boyfriends/girlfriends car or something equally ordinary. Often the girl and boy don't finish at the same time – if the girl finishes first its fine, she can enjoy more while waiting for him to finish ;) But if he finishes first then there can be problems and unfortunately teen boys do sometimes finish fast and this can lead to stress and worry and guilt and all kinds of bad stuff like that. Sometimes the girl or boy don't finish at all, it's quite hard when you are inexperienced.

When that happens you just have to give it time and get to know each other, do it often enough and you will learn what the other likes and does not like and your technique will get better. You will tune in to their moods and needs better and it will and does become a better experience. Above all, _communicate_ with your partner. Talk about what you are doing and tell the other person what you like. It's easy to respond by making a noise; the kind of noise you make will be a clear message to your partner as to whether or not you enjoy what they are doing to you. Personally I find sound one of the more arousing aspects of physical communion, the noisier the better for me and you can really tune in to the needs and wants of another person when they communicate in this way.

However don't feel bad about it when it goes wrong – just work at it. On the other hand when it does go right it really can be fantastic, a shatteringly, mind-blowingly good experience. The main ingredient however _must_ be love. I personally can't enjoy being with someone I don't totally love and they love me. That is rare and it's only happened with two women in my life, one of whom I've been married to for 15 years. I have had partners scream out loud and burst into tears with me (and I have burst into tears with them) and when it happens it's just amazingly good, it makes you feel so happy knowing that you mean that much to them. I don't know if I do anything to make this happen, I don't think I do, it's just them and their love for me (I hope). In this respect Shizuku and Seiji are very, very lucky kids.

I was very lucky my first time. My girlfriend although the same age as me was quite experienced and she taught me so much. She was very kind.

So when it is your time then please make sure you love the person and they love you, and try and be somewhere where you can sleep the night, waking up the next morning the very first time with someone is just magical – chapter 13 expresses how I felt the first time this happened to me. Chapter 13 is my favourite part of the story. For me my First Waking was almost a religious experience it was so good, it was quite a lot like I describe Seiji's experience in that chapter.

So it's fall in love first and do this second – never ever the other way around.

Remember, above all else it is _love_ that is the most important. _Love_ them. Have them _love_ you. And love what you are doing with each other.

I hope that helps.


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